License to View

Ok, I want to clear something up. To anyone whom I have told we do not have a television, let me clarify, it isn’t for religious reasons. It just dawned on me why I have been getting that look from people, it’s the look that is supposed to look like admiration, but really means “Oh, you are one of those anti-media-religious-separatist-guard-the-perimeter types.” Our decision not to have TV had nothing to do with our faith, it was more philosophical than religious.

Here in the UK we have something called a TV license. It would cost us upwards of 270 bucks. I have trouble with the concept. Why call it a license? Is there a training permit first? Does the license holder have to control the remote? If you watch TV irresponsibly can your license be revoked? Of course not! License is just a euphemism for TAX. When we told our son about it, he looked at us and said “You have to pay to watch TV? That’s down right un-American!” And he is right! It is with patriotic fervor that we eschew television watching in Cambridge. I would sooner don buckskin, paint my face red, and toss a punt load of Sonys in the Cam then submit to this taxation.

Our sacrifice is huge. No Coronation Street or Doc Martin. Boo hoo. Please forgive the sarcasm; I was tortured by a British citizen who forced me to watch these two shows for hours one day. It helped solidify our decision. We could get Dr. Who online, if we really wanted to, but so far we haven’t. It’s not like we are giving up Fox News, we’re only giving up four channels here and they are all the BBC! The bottom line is that Pounds to Dollars we just don’t see paying that much for British TV and still having to put up with commercials. With a decent computer screen you can buy a few seasons of what ever good show you like for the same price and watch it when you want without commercials. You can have entertainment and still keep your patriotic principles intact.

Sadly they take their TV tax seriously here in the UK. We have received threatening letters from the TV license folks, informing us that if we do not purchase a license we may be subject to a home inspection. If television reception equipment is found on the premises we will pay the consequences. Can you envision that scenario in West Virginia? An unarmed TV license commissioner knocks on the door…you can imagine the rest.

Rumor has it that they even troll the streets with television reception detection vehicles, and they can tell if TV signals are being received in your home. I thought for a long time that this was a joke, you know, what they tell the new people in town just for a laugh. I still haven’t seen any real evidence they exist, but everyone who says it is so manages to keep a straight face.

Of course we may be a bit spoiled by our Appalachian television viewing experience. I remembered the days when we paid twenty dollars a month for a measly 13 channels. Oh how we moaned and complained. It was barbaric, backwoods in the extreme. But if you could get your aerial on the mountain top anything we could catch over the airwaves was free, baby, free. It is that kind of freedom that makes it OK to pay for Dish. Any government institution toying with such freedom is likely infested by disenfranchised communists.

If any of this strikes you as unbelievable, check out the link: http://www.tvlicensing.co.uk/aboutus/index.jsp